Teeny Tiny Realisations

Growing up with new learnings everyday

Jan 30, 2023

Hi Again,

You thought you will never hear from me again? Ah, not that lucky. I am back with all my love and chaotic energy. The last time I was here, I was sad, I left my job and I was a complete mess. Everybody who read that newsletter texted to check up on me lmao.

Todayyyyy, I am fucking happy, loved, healthy and grateful. The last few weeks have been so busy that I haven't even had time to reflect back on last year and what's coming ahead. I still have some commitments, but I think my new year and new me will start in Feb. So here I am, reflecting on things.

Teeny Tiny Realisations

Life is happening one week at a time. You realise that you are living weekend by weekend. After every weekend, the realisation hits how another week is gone. Your plans and procrastination are now shifted to next week. We are just living in the default setting, life is happening on its own, and we are just muses. It’s time to not roll on life’s instructions but pause and look back, Is this what you want? What is missing? What do you want to do differently?
Seeing kids and old people fills me with so much hope and joy. My 95-year-old grandma in ICU gave nurses an ultimatum to remove one of the 4 pipes or she’ll do it herself. The nurse removed the oximeter for a minute, and Amma goes - “this is not the real one, remove some other”. Then she found a new prank (all this when the doctors said she is in danger) - so she started playing with her Oximeter and when it moves, the machines beep beep, She laughs and says “dekh nurses aayi bhag kar😭” One of these days, I was combing her hair and she decided to remove the oximeter and the beeps got crazy snd everybody was very done with her and she is laughing uncontrollably in the middle of ICU.
Sometimes I dive into work to avoid everything around me. Because I can control work, it’s quantitative and the accomplishment gives me happy hormones. Feeling the feelings does not seem like an option, it looks scary and overwhelming. Busyness does come as a resume. I am still figuring out how healthy this is, but this has become a coping mechanism.

We will never fully know someone. There will always be events and things you will never know about someone. Everyone is living a 24-hour life while you are living yours. People’s lives are larger than yours and yours is larger than theirs. Accept it. Give and take space.
A well-read person poses a challenge to institutions and organisations. Whether it's government, work or homes. I would have taken everything as it came to me if I wasn’t well-read and aware. I would not have questioned things around me, questioned myself and would not be speaking up. Education has given me enlightenment and empowerment and I shall keep reading.
Sometimes I feel like I’m running so behind and doing absolutely nothing and start comparing myself to people. Not in a jealous type, but adoring them being “oh I also want to do that” and how they present themselves and how they talk and stuff, Only to realise later that they’re so much older than me and have so much more experience and I’m just starting out and they were as clueless as I am right now. We need to detach our self-worth from the work we do and start seeing beyond it. We are refusing to acknowledge that our strengths are our strengths because we see someone else doing something that looks perfect to us and we want to become that viral, validated, trendy person. Look into your journey, find what is your worth, my friend.
The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is irrational. When we believe “love is all we need”, we ignore things that are important to us. We are all growing up with our own priorities, situations, careers and responsibilities. At this stage, more often than not, they will be above love on priority lists. Love does take a backseat in this over-ambitious world.
Grief is still here, and it stays, but it doesn’t consume you as it did. It gets easier and it knocks once in a while. It’s not a roommate anymore, but your guest.
I overshare. I overshare not for you or the world to read it, I overshare to get it out of me. I really need to document things because it feels like life is happening at 2x and if I don’t document, I will forget the little moments that are happening, the realisations I have and the experiences I get. A lot of people have told me how easy it is to talk to me. How I can make anyone tell me their deepest darkest secrets in like 2 hours? I overshare, which helps people to overshare. If someone is being vulnerable with me, even if this vulnerability involves being upset with me, I always feel honoured. Do you mean to tell me this person trusts me enough to navigate the rawest version of themselves and their emotions? a huge compliment really <3
My life’s just made of friendships and friends who have picked me up when I couldn’t. I really don’t know what I’ll do if, after a long day, I can’t call my friends and rant about it and tell them all the unnecessary details of my days. Life is really all about having people to tell the unnecessary details of your days.
We know more than we think we do. We all know random information which comes to us in surprising instances. I realised this on vacation when a jellyfish bit someone and peeing on the feet worked. Why did I know it works?
Everything can be learnt on the internet. The internet holds the world’s most expansive library, and almost anything you can think of can be found somewhere on the web. The kids these days are smarter because they are on youtube all day and are learning about solar systems, robotics and everything at the age of 3.
Good things don’t come to those who wait. They come to those who take daily, deliberate actions toward their goal and experience good things. Start with 30 minutes per day for 30 days. It works, trust me.
I am extremely grateful to have friendships that let me be vulnerable and show parts of me that are not easy. My friendships are all I have, my friends have always been around. They fill me with so much joy, hope and optimism. They have accepted me for who I am—true, unapologetically myself—and this has empowered and instilled confidence in me unlike anything else. I am a confident person on the face because there are 5 cheerleaders behind my back
I disappear from the internet after I post, I deactivate my Instagram a lot and I take a lot of breaks. I have tried to have control over the content I consume because honestly there is SO MUCH. This means curating my feeds and having different accounts for different purposes. I refuse to let my content control me. I have stopped having a say on everything, I would rather“I don’t know enough about this to make a comment” and not bullshit my way around.
Slow replies and unacknowledged texts - I’ve moved past the stage of feeling guilty for not being able to respond immediately. I have a group of close friends with whom I can communicate every day and it’s effortless. The rest of the people I know are people I take time to respond to. I constantly hope they will take their time to respond too when I reach out. I have stopped being readily available. I hope people understand how the apps/platforms are created to make a sense of urgency, while there is none. There’s business to have people on the apps all the time. I refuse to make myself available like that.
You're allowed to take a break. Stopping for a day or a week or a month won't be as bad for you as you would imagine. You are free to disappear and take however much time you require to feel like yourself again. When you're ready, the world will be there to welcome you. When you feel comfortable again, come out.

Stop reacting impulsively. Keep in mind to step back during crises. Perspective-shifting and rewriting your own story are crucial for progress.
Starting is scary. When you start something, your skills are raw, your knowledge is limited and you feel like you know nothing. Even when you try your best, all you can produce is “just okay” or “average”. Nobody wants to produce something that is "just okay." You'll think it falls short of your expectations. You'll be concerned with what people think of you. You'll question whether choosing a different route would be preferable. But unless you're prepared to push past the growing stage, it is impossible to get to that step. We have to be patient. Your great work is on the other side of your early work. The only way to be exceptional later on is to have the courage to be "just okay" right now. This is how it is for everyone.
Growing up is such a lonely and rewarding process. I am beyond the clouds seeing my best friend get into the college she wanted, but she is now shifting to a new country and we’ll both be alone in ours. I am so happy to see people I love achieve the things they wanted, there is nothing more I can ask for. But we’re all now living and growing in our individual spheres, not together anymore. Side by side but miles apart.
I read somewhere that ‘men earn money to feed their ambition and egos. women earn money to have the ability to leave any situation that threatens them.’ This stuck with me. Even when women are earning today, the majority of financial decisions depend on men in the house. Women need to start taking allocation and management of their money. This corpus may not solve all problems, but it surely makes the uncertainties appear less daunting.
I have become extremely self-aware. I know what I want from a partner, from friendships, and from myself. How I want things to happen to me, and how much I am willing to give and take. I have control over the choices I make and I try to be accountable for them. It is both scary and empowering. I discover new things every day and It feels like a never-ending learning process. I love it.

LINKS THAT I’LL WHATSAPP YOU IF WE WERE FRIENDS :

This is it, for now, I am learning and unlearning constantly. Hope to keep doing it forever.

(On some days I’m only writing because I know the 5 people who will definitely read this and write back to me. I love when you write back to me and tell me how you felt, what you liked or what you think can be improved. You can just reply to this or drop a text on any of my socials, I appreciate it so much and I’ll get back to you soon, Promise)

Stay Curious, Remember to drink water.

Until next time,

Janhavi

I blabber

Discussion about this post