Job ≠ Life: The Identity trap
I am more than my work
"What do you do?" is always the second or third question that pops up in any conversation. And somehow, it always ends up revolving around our work. Whether it's on dates, at weddings, dinner parties, tech meetups, or any other social gathering, many of us have turned our jobs into our entire personalities. I hate the question. I hate the answers to it.
We attach our self-worth to it as if there is nothing in our life worth talking about except our job. We can only strike up a conversation because we have work. Our work becomes the easiest way to escape small talk, or maybe it's because we've let our jobs consume so much of our time that there's no room left for anything else. What I do to make money is so much different from what I do in life. Even outside our offices, across continents and in different settings, we are our jobs first.
When we attach our identity solely to our work, it becomes difficult to see ourselves in any other role. The question arises: "What am I without my coding skills? Can I do anything else?" It's like our expertise in one area becomes a defining part of our identity, making it difficult to see ourselves thriving in different domains. Despite working extremely hard their entire lives to reach their current position, many people with high-pressure positions find themselves dissatisfied with their careers. Hating your job is one thing, but what happens if you become so inextricably linked to it that you begin to hate yourself as well? If I attached myself to my work, I would not have moved past UPSC or taken a lateral shift from HR to Marketing and just quit things and moved ahead. UPSC sucked my soul out of me, and I was miserable. I moved past it because I didn't attach it to my self-worth.
But here's the thing: I have been consciously working towards it, but not everybody is. When our work is all we know and all we do, we cannot think beyond it. Don't be afraid to learn and acquire new skills. Recognize that expertise in one area doesn't limit your potential in others. Take courses, seek mentorship, or leverage online resources to acquire knowledge and develop new proficiencies. Connect with people and ask for an internship, to assist, or to just volunteer. Give yourself permission to evolve and grow. Embracing other aspects of life doesn't mean abandoning your expertise or negating its value.
As someone who works in marketing, dealing with newsletters, social media, and podcasts, I find myself tempted to urge everyone to start their own ventures. I want them to build personal brands and launch newsletters, podcasts, and agencies. Every person I meet could potentially be useful to me in the future. However, I resist the urge to constantly sell myself and my work to every person I meet. I can do it, but I choose not to. I want my relationships and friendships to be more than work.
There's nothing inherently negative about allowing our jobs to shape our identities. Expressing our job titles can remind us of the impact we make and fill us with pride and confidence. But is that all there is to life?
In our work culture, it's common to hear the phrase "We are like a family" being thrown around. It's encouraged and suggested that our team members and colleagues are akin to family. However, the reality is quite different.
While it's possible to get along with them and form friendships, labelling them as a family creates a certain pressure to feel loyal and avoid letting them down. Our alliances are manipulated to prioritize work above all else. Any time we spend on personal matters or with our actual family is often perceived as selfish.
So, I've stripped away all traces of my work from my Instagram, and on Twitter, I aim for maximum personalization. I shitpost, I overshare, and I am completely unhinged. I refuse to let my work consume my entire life, even though I could potentially make a fortune from it. I'm well aware of the missed opportunities by not turning my life and social media into a billboard that screams, "Come work with me!" But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not going down that path, breaking away from the expectations set by "The Devil Wears Prada."
The other day, I had a conversation with someone who posed a similar question: "If you had to introduce yourself without mentioning your job, how would you do it?" Confucius said, “Choose a job you love, and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” I disagree. Work is work. And we are more than our work.
So for me, I usually introduce myself as “Hi, I am Janhavi, I write, I blog, I love cosmopolitans and I derive half my personality from my height. I live on the internet and I love meeting new people and exploring cafes.” This changes every 15 days, it could be cosmopolitan today, but a song, a show or a movie that I am currently enjoying on other days. I usually bring up topics I can start a conversation with, or get very personal, that’s who I am. Very personal, no boundaries, oversharing nerd on the internet.
For many people, They'd actually have to start living outside of work and cultivate friendships beyond their professional circles to be able to discuss something other than work. It's ridiculously scary because you spend your entire day at the office, and the little energy you have left after work is solely dedicated to preserving your sanity. Friendships function from one weekend to the next, constantly hanging by a thread.
That's precisely why I'm writing this piece: as a reminder for myself and to all of you, to openly, candidly, unapologetically exist, whether it be our personal living spaces, a bar or our workplaces.
Links I’ll whatsapp you if we were friends:
(On some days I’m only writing because I know the 5 people who will definitely read this and write back to me. I love when you write back to me and tell me how you felt, what you liked or what you think can be improved. You can just reply to this or drop a text on any of my socials, I appreciate it so much and I’ll get back to you soon, Promise)
Stay Curious, Remember to drink water.
Until next time,
With Love,
great read, touchè. also next time you hear an employer say 'we're a family' -- run in the opposite direction. we are not a family, we are a sports team! we stay passionate about the goal, without being emotional about who to bench and how!
relatable, last week I was on a call with one of my relatives and his second question was "where do I work" and "What do i do?" Lolz. Also, I liked how you highlighted on to have / start something of your own (cuz at the end that is what which will define who you are out of work, your interest and that's how you'll meet new people) and there's a life out of work. time to contemplate my life xD. Great read.