I grew up in a House of Friendships

Parents and their friendships

People often ask me, "How do you do it? How do you make everyone feel like they're the most special person in the world?" And I just have to laugh and say, "I have grown up in a house of friendships”

Growing up, we hear stories of people being childhood friends who end up getting married and/or starting families at similar times. All this so that they can grow families together and side by side. They form a close-knit community of their own. We have dreamt of having this. Making this our life and having friends like this. 

I grew up in a house of friendships, surrounded by love and laughter. My dad has friendships that go back more than three decades and it's not just a friendship now, we're a family. I have grown up calling his friends Chacha, Tauji, Taiji, and much more, and always treated their children as my cousins. It's crazy to think that I've literally grown up in front of them, seeing them and adoring them. But what was most striking about their friendship was their unwavering support for each other. "We were there for each other through thick and thin," my dad once told me. "No matter what was happening in our lives, we knew we could count on each other."

Their bond was tested over the years, with the loss of loved ones, family crises, and financial struggles. But through it all, they remained each other's rock. I was always in awe of the way they could turn to each other for comfort and support during the toughest of times. When I look back, we have all lived in cramped 1BHKs that were too small to invite people in. They never judged each other for their humble beginnings or financial struggles, and that's a rare thing to find in this world.

You know, when I think about my dad's group of friends, it's hard not to smile. They're like a group of big, goofy kids who just happen to be adults now. Their friendship is made of getting drunk and dancing on the hills on “tum jaise chutiyon ka sahara hai dosto”. Their friendship is made of crying at their kid’s wedding like they’re marrying their own kid, waterfalls, hiccups, and ugly sobbing. It’s made of taking care of each other’s families when one is not around. It’s made by giving the first down payment to a friend’s house to rent out an office for free. The concept of Angel investors is here now, they have been each other’s Angels forever. They still are the 18-year-olds who fight and leave each other on the roads, pushing, jumping and snatching things from each other. Fighting for the last piece of snack, dancing and singing in the car. It's like they never grew out of that mischievous stage, and honestly, it's kind of inspiring.

Even though we’re not biologically related, there is that familial relationship. Whenever we have intimate, small family things, they’re always there and vice-versa. Whenever my family needs support or is going through a hard time, their families are always there. Our lives are about loving and being loved. Giving without wanting. 

We moved into a new house and dad was out of town. Suddenly, we heard a strange noise coming from the terrace, and it freaked us out. I mean, we were new to the area and had no idea what to do. So, we called dad and He called his friends, and I kid you not, within minutes, I had 9 people at my gate ready to investigate the noise and make sure we were safe. 

When my dog died, he was having seizures and I was a mess. My cousin, who happens to be the daughter of one of dad's closest friends, showed up at my doorstep without even being asked. She just knew we needed her there. And when my grandma slipped and we thought she had a fracture, dad was away, so we called one of his friends and he immediately showed up. He did not even ask me what happened and what was up, he was at the door.

During the second wave, everybody except me got covid in my family, I was isolated on the ground floor, with no access to the kitchen, clothes or anything.  But before I could even start panicking, my dad's friends swooped in like a superhero squad. Within an hour, I had food, water bottles, clothes, and everything I needed to be dropped off at my door. It was like a scene out of a movie - the world was freaking out about COVID, and here they were risking their lives to take care of me.

I can count countless such events. They have always shown up, whether we asked for it or not. And it's not just about physical presence - they always have our backs emotionally too. 

This has made me value friendships in my life. My long-term friendships with my girls have taught me everything about love, care and relationships. We’ve all seen each other grow into different people, and go through phases, life-changing events, and everything. We were talking and one of my girls said that we’re literally relatives now, we’re constantly fighting and bickering out of love and no matter what happens, we know we’re around. We have been around for a while now. We understand without even talking, just silence and emotions. The long hugs at the doors when someone is coming back from another city or leaving home. My best friends will be my kid’s godmothers, holding chaddar at my wedding and we will have our families grow together too. 

I don’t say yes to plans on Sundays because - I have people over. I always have people over. My dad and his friends and our families meet every week. On most days we’re just chilling together, sharing experiences, dancing, drinking and playing cards. We take all our trips together. We now live in our own little bubble. There is so much belonging and love and care and just looking out for each other. 

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure my house was designed with one purpose in mind: to host. I mean all our houses are designed to host. And I'm not just talking about the occasional dinner party or holiday gathering - I mean, we're talking about full-on weekly gatherings. I have a full floor, just to accommodate people. It has a pantry that is always full of food and drinks, and there are multiple halls and sitting areas to accommodate people in my house. The concept of a 15-seater sofa hall, a mini banquet hall and another 10-seater drawing room is only a thing here in India. We joke about it - “My house is a Dharamshala (community centre) and I always have people over”

So, no matter how much I act like I hate how most of my Sundays are occupied while I should be out there partying, I’m grateful for friendships and relationships and what we have.

I may not have understood the depth of their friendship as a child, but as I've grown older, I've come to appreciate it more and more. Their bond is something that I'll always admire and strive to emulate in my own relationships. And as I said, the term 'friends' just doesn't seem to capture the depth of what we have. We're more than that - we're a family, a support system, a community, a tribe.

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LINKS THAT I’LL WHATSAPP YOU IF WE WERE FRIENDS :  

1. Platonic

2. My Pronouns Are She/They. What Are Yours?

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(On some days I’m only writing because I know the 5 people who will definitely read this and write back to me. I love when you write back to me and tell me how you felt, what you liked or what you think can be improved. You can just reply to this or drop a text on any of my socials, I appreciate it so much and I’ll get back to you soon, Promise)

Stay Curious, Remember to drink water.

Until next time,

Best,

Janhavi